Abba

Praying through the Lord's prayer today. Meditating on each line, each word. It was a struggle at first because it started less a prayer and more a lesson I was teaching. Somehow grace brought me through and into sweet communion with the Father. It would belittle the experience to try to write every thought and prayer that went through my head, but I realized something today:

Abba.

I am uncomfortable with the Father as Abba. I can pray to the Father and feel somewhat like an adult talking with a superior. I can fear and tremble and be in awe of the Father. I can surrender my will to the Father and accept his discipline...

But Abba... daddy.

Even writing it and thinking it makes me uncomfortable. Like that moment in childhood when it is no longer cool to kiss your parents on the lips. You move forward. Your relationship matures. You show love in a different way. You secretly long for it - like longing to cry unashamedly during a touching moment. The raw emotion is there, but so is the cage where they return. I'm not sure if fear or pride or something else is the jailer, but a jailer there is.

Our Father.

Abba.

I am called to have faith like a child. My Father is my Abba. Daddy. I surrendered to this command and called out to my Abba as a child and imagined crawling into His lap. An act of surrender. An experience of childlike faith. Tears came unbidden. Just being with Him was enough. 

The jailer was waiting nearby, but for a time I was free with Abba.